Bob's Blog

It’s a terrible disease!  We all know that!  Watching Alzheimer’s slowly and insidiously destroy memories, and wipe away parts of a loved one’s past, is like . . . dropping your grandfather’s favorite coffee mug: the one you’ve been saving for decades, afraid to use out of fear of breaking it, and then when you finally do, that’s exactly what happens!  The mug shatters and is gone; and it’s departure takes all kinds of stories with it.  It snatches them right out of your hands, slowly perhaps, but over time removing every last shard of loving familiarity that for so long had found a home in the corner of your loved one’s heart.  Even if at times that mug was forgotten, unintentionally ignored because it was hidden in the back of the cupboard, you knew it was there, and found comfort in that knowledge.

As as pastor, I’ve been dealing with people suffering from Alzheimer’s and other forms of dementia for more than three decades; but now it has hit home, and things are very different this time.  My mother-in-law was diagnosed last spring, and the disease is moving quickly — too quickly!  She’s been visiting for over a week now, and my time with her has been both sad and joyful.  The worst thing is watching my father-in-law and my wife attempt to navigate the situation; but the joy continues.  And the joy is what I will remember about what may indeed be my mother-in-law’s last visit to the States.  Because while she is indeed sick, she has not stopped laughing.

No, she’s not been able to fully follow or participate in all of our conversations.  We’ve answered the same 4-5 questions, 14-15 times; and she has occasionally used words that my wife has considered to be slightly ‘inappropriate.’  She’s been more open and honest about the ‘wrongness’ of my taking her only daughter away from her 35 years ago; and clearly a few of the much-needed ‘filters’ that the rest of us have are gone.  But she is still laughing!  Amazingly, in spite of all that is going on in her head, she is still smiling, and she is still laughing . . . at herself, at me, and yes even at life!

My mother-in-law is happy.   She knows that she’s lived long and well!  At 82 she has been blessed with a wonderful husband, an amazing daughter (my wife), two loving sons, ten wonderful grandchildren, and five beautiful great-grandchildren.  Her faith continues to sustain her, and her love of singing and classical music continues to bring her joy.  And when she makes a mistake, or forgets something that she knows she should remember, she just laughs.  When we jokingly tell her to stop talking so we can watch the news, she just keeps on mumbling and muttering, and laughs at us.  And when we give her a hard time for something she has said or done, she smiles and laughs right along with us.  Oh, don’t get me wrong – she has her moments.  There are times when she, and those are around her, are clearly frustrated by all that comes with the disease; but laughter persists none-the-less!

People rarely die from Alzheimer’s, but there’s no doubt my mother-in-law is in the gloaming of life.  And I know already that in her death, she will model the same faith and joy that she modeled throughout her life.  She knows full well that dying is part of living; and her laughter is not the laughter of someone nervously trying to cover up what some might consider an embarrassing illness.  Her laughter is the laughter spoken of in Proverbs 31.  When she ‘laughs at the time to come,’ she is laughing out of joy.  Strength and dignity are indeed the clothing of my mother-in-law, and her laughter is born in the knowledge that whatever comes her way, she is being held in the arms of eternity.  She is being held in the arms of God, and there is absolutely nothing to fear!  So she, and we, remain grateful.

Thanksgiving is a time to give thanks.  And even in the midst of this dreadful disease, that is what we are doing.  We are giving thanks.  We are giving thanks for the time we have together.  We are giving thanks for the love of family.  And we are giving thanks for laughter that can sustain us even in the darkest of days.

It was an embarrassing blog!

On November 6, 2016, the morning of Election Day, I wrote . . . “I believe in America!”

I was convinced that policies and politics aside, there was no way the American people were going to send Donald Trump to the White House.  I wrote about the “spirit of America . . .  a Spirit of grace, generosity, civility, and love.”  I wrote about how I believed that our nation had learned to “recognize, name, and eradicate the color, gender, and religious bias in our life together.” And I wrote about my conviction that we would “do the right thing.”

The words came easily: too easily, I have since discovered!  Like so much of human sin, when challenged and confronted it often moves underground.  It goes into hiding and works in secret.  And that is what had been happening in America.  Our sin – racism, misogyny, xenophobia, and patriarchy – which was so visible to some, was invisible to others.  People like me had naively thought such sins had been lamented and confessed, and that we were moving on.  We believed that most of our nation was hanging . . . no, swinging! . . . on the moral arch of universe, forcing it to bend, and to move cultures and societies closer to God’s reign in the world.

But oh how wrong we were.  Oh how wrong I was!  We did NOT do the right thing, and I am embarrassed by that blog.  With the election of Donald Trump, our sins were put on display for all the world to see; and today, three years later, those sins have been legitimized and nurtured.  Sadly, for far too many of us, that have become a condoned new sense of the normal.

But here in Virginia, yesterday, Election Day 2019, revealed that things may be changing.  It appears that perhaps our nation is learning a few things.  Maybe business people, whose primary goal is always going to be personal profit, are not the best leaders of nations; for the skills required to be a CEO, or a real estate mogul, are different than those required to run a government.  Maybe ‘outsiders’ can be sometimes be so ‘outside’ that they have no idea what they are doing; for not not all bureaucracy is bad, and sometimes it provides a structure for governing, and a cadre of people who know what needs to be done in order to keep the wheels of government moving forward.  Maybe character and integrity really do matter; because words, behaviors, and lifestyles reveal a great deal about what is in a person’s heart, and they can never be overlooked because of a particular political agenda.

Election Day 2018 and 2019 have offered me some hope.  My faith in the American people is beginning to be restored; and not just because people in my political party are winning elections.  Rather, at least for me, every election since 2016, and right on thru 2020, is about nothing and no one but Donald Trump!.  And Americans are finally beginning to reject him.  People are finally coming together; and not necessarily around gun, abortion, military, or even financial policies.  America is coming together to reject everything that the current administration represents: narcissism, greed, arrogance, ineptitude, vulgarity, and lies.

For three years many have been saying that people like me to need to ‘get over’ what happened three years ago: that people like me need to stop whining, and instead do a better job of listening to those with whom I disagree.  They have been crying out for a return to civility in our national discourse, and for the eradication of the polarization that is plaguing American politics.  And they have been quick to challenge the American people to embrace the ‘purple’ nature of our families, communities, and churches.

But I continue to believe that if being purple means accommodating the national sin that is Donald Trump, I will continue to avoid the color purple.   And if ‘red’ America is going to continue to avoid rejecting his ways, then I will continue to work to make blue waves a reality around this country.  I will do that as a husband to a gifted wife and as a father to a remarkable daughter.  I will do that as a friend to countless immigrants and people in the LGBTQ community.  I will do that as a citizen of the world and as a member of the great human family.  And I will do that as a follower of Jesus Christ, and a leader in the faith community.

Perhaps, contrary to what so many would have us believe, the Trump presidency will not leave America more divided than ever.  Perhaps his time in office will leave us more united than ever.  And perhaps that unity will be around the things that really matter . . . things like justice, equality, goodness, decency, and truth.  For in the end, those are the only things that ever can, or that ever will, make America truly great!

May that be our goal.  May that be our prayer.