Bob's Blog

Yeah, I know, this is risky!  The last thing women need today is another white guy ‘mansplaining’ about all that’s going on in our culture — especially when it comes to issues involving the sexism and misogyny that is running rampant in our nation!

So I won’t go there. I have no desire to try and explain anything to anyone.  Rather, I simply want the women in my life to know what I, and what countless other men, think and feel about all that is going on in our country.

And why should you ‘care’ about what I think? Because I care for you: and because I want to be a friend and an ally as we together seek to bring about the changes that we all know are way overdue.

Last month my wife and I went to see “Battle of the Sexes”, starring Emma Stone and Steve Carell.  It’s the story of Billie Jean King and Bobby Riggs’ infamous 1973 tennis match, which became the most watched televised sporting event of all time.  America was still in the midst of it’s ‘sexual revolution’: traditional gender rolls were being challenged, women were demanding equal pay, and society was finally beginning to have open and honest conversations about homosexuality, premarital sex, and contraception.   It was also a time when movement towards the ratification of the Equal Rights Amendment was picking up steam, and progress appeared to be on the horizon.

They were exciting days, and while I was not even a teenager back then, I have vivid memories of many of the conversations that were taking place.  While Jim Croce was singing about ‘Leroy Brown messin’ with the wife of jealous man,’ women in America were messin’ around around with causes that should have been resolved years before; causes that were first raised during the days of abolition, and then followed up by the suffrage movement of the early 1900s.  The 70s were years when our culture appeared to be ready to expand our understanding of civil rights, and to revisit the gender bias that can be traced all the way back to the days of our founders. And we did . . . for a while.

But then something happened.  I’m not sure what it was, but something changed; and for the past 40 years, things seem to have slowed down!

Until now!

Today, living, working, and talking with women, as well observing, engaging, and listening to women, I am being reminded that you are not a monolith.  And I know that.  Each of you is an individual, and your approach to these issues varies. Some of you have clearly never given up the fight — and sadly, it is still a fight. You have taken up leadership roles in spite of the challenges, and you have never been afraid to call out the sexism that abounds in our culture. You work hard to break stereotypes and challenge ideas and norms that in no way reflect the justice and equality that should be the norm in the ‘kin’dom of God.

Others of you have decided to work outside of the power structures that exist in our nation; and because you are not willing to wait for change to come in order for you to be faithful your created identity, you do what you’ve been called to do in spite of the obstacles.  You’ve told me that you are more concerned with your influence being felt that your voice being heard; and I get that.

And still others of you have told me that you’re tired: tired of always feeling as though you need to prove yourself, and tired of always being perceived as the angry woman who sees every issue through the eyes of gender.  Never the less, you continue to strive to be the person God created you to be, but you do so quietly, calmly, faithfully, and without fanfare.

I’ve certainly met women who don’t fall in any of these categories; but by far, the women in my life who I most admire and respect are those who do.  And you are the ones to whom I write. And all I want to say, is that I’m with you. Because in light of the days in which we are living you need to know that.

In spite of the fact that this nation has sent to the Oval Office one of the most openly misogynistic presidents in our lifetime, if not ever; and even though sexual harassment and assault continue to lurk behind the scenes of Hollywood and in the back alleys of Wall Street; and although the Church, the institution in which I continue to serve and the community I continue to call ‘home’, is still full of people who refuse to move beyond antiquated beliefs and practices: I simply want you to know that you are not alone. I, and many other men I know, gave up ‘locker room’ talk back in high school. Cat Calls and groping are not how we operate, and we long for the wisdom and perspective that you bring to our Church and our world. And we know that our voices are often too loud, and so we are working on give you, and others, the opportunity to speak.

Further, because of most of you don’t fall into the category of white, Evangelical Christian: you need to know that people like me are especially longing to to hear from you.  We’ve heard from those other women long enough: women who do little more than amplify the traditional white, Christian, heterosexual, male voices that dominate their world.  But today, now, we need to hear from you!

And we need to hear from you, because the world needs you.  I need you!  YOU . . . NEED YOU!  We need to hear what you are saying.  We need your gifts and abilities.  We need your strength and leadership.  And we need your grace and compassion.

For too long, men like me have held you down and kept you from being all you were designed to be.  We’ve carefully and methodically built a culture where we call the shots, and where we are in control.  We’ve tried to keep you at home because we didn’t want to have to compete with you in the marketplace.  We’ve forced you to raise our children because we didn’t value the work of growing the next generation.  We’ve told you that your worth is determined by your appearance, devaluing your gifts and abilities, and minimizing the deeper and most beautiful aspects of your being.  We’ve thought you to be more emotional, than intellectual, and thus denied our society the benefits of your knowledge and wisdom.  And we’ve done it all under the guise of ‘family values’ and Biblical faithfulness.

But today, for many of us, things have changed.  We no longer want to perpetuate the patriarchy that has dominated American life for the past 400 plus years, and we want to reject the gender bias that continues to keep our nation from becoming all that we know it can be.  But most important, we are concerned for you.  We want more for you.  And we want to be the ally that we know we should be.  We don’t want to lead the charge: we’ve done that long enough.  We don’t want to set the course: we’re trusting you to do that.  But we WILL do whatever we can to stand with you, and to work to bring about the change that this so overdue in America.

So to this end, I will listen to you more, and I will talk less.  I will follow your leadership, and I will respect your opinions and decisions.  I will walk beside you when you need a friend, and behind you when you need support and encouragement.  I will name sexism and misogyny when I see it, and not be afraid to call out those who consciously or unconsciously perpetuate a chauvinistic view of the world in which we live.  I will monitor my own bias, and language; and I will work hard to change old thought patterns and ways of generalizing gender roles and stereotypes.  I will see your strength and determination as a sign of giftedness, not ‘bitchiness’; and I will carefully walk that line between respecting the rights of others, and your right to choose what you do with your body.  And I will not place value judgments on the differences between women and men, nor will I continue to interpret the Bible in ways that fail to acknowledge it’s damaging paternalism – a paternalism that has been used to oppress you for centuries.

If there’s anything that should be added to this list, feel free to let me know.  I want to hear from.  I want to do my part in changing this nation.  Perhaps, if we finally work on things like this together, side by side, as equals, we can be the partners we were created to be, and the world will move one step closer to the ‘kin’dom of God.

This Thanksgiving, please know how grateful I am for you.  And know that I will do my best to translate that gratitude into action . . . not for me, or even for the world.  But for you.

It’s really rather convenient, or should I say a privilege, for us to completely avoid the real issue confronting our nation today!  What on earth is wrong with us?

Colin Kaepernick’s taking a knee during the playing of the national anthem last year was no more an attack on veterans, than it was a denial of his love for this country.  It was simply his way, as a Black man, of protesting what he perceived to be a color bias in police departments around our country – a perception that is actually quite difficult to deny.  After the deaths of Trevon Martin, Eric Garner, Freddie Gray, Alton Sterling, and countless others, Colin had had enough.  And taking a knee was the least he could do.

He didn’t start a riot in downtown San Francisco.  He didn’t go on a shooting rampage and kill a cop or a veteran.  He didn’t storm the halls of Congress and demand that action be taken to stem the tide of unwarranted police killing of people of color.  All he did, was quietly, humbly, and respectfully, take a knee during the playing of the national anthem, at a football game, in attempt to raise our awareness of serious problem affecting America: racism!

But we white Americans don’t want to talk about racism, do we?  We don’t want to stop to analyze why police officers, in their own words, seem to “only shoot Black people.” We don’t want to consider the reasons behind the statistics that more Black and Brown people than white people, are not only stopped for traffic offenses, but then searched. Worse yet, we don’t want to talk about why, when we ARE aware of such statistics, we simply conclude that they only reveal what we already know – people of color commit more traffic offenses than white people!

No!  White America doesn’t want to talk about any of this.  We don’t want to have a conversation about why for every 1 dollar of wealth held by a Black household, White households hold 13 dollars.  We don’t want to have a conversation about the lasting effects of not just legalized slavery, that ended more than 100 years ago, but the institutional enslavement that continues today, in laws that subtly but effectively continue to hold back and hold down communities of color.  We don’t want to have a conversation about what it is inside of us, that causes us to cross to the other side of the street when we see a Black teenage boy walking towards us, or why we lock the doors of our cars when we drive thru certain parts of town.

Such issues are simply too hard for us to deal with.  So let’s talk about patriotism instead, shall we?  Let’s call those who are frustrated by police violence against Black men, son’s of bitches!  Let’s call them unAmerican, challenge their love of country, and question their respect for veterans.  Let’s conveniently shift the conversation, and follow the lead of the most repugnant president this country has ever known, and make this all about a flag and a song.   Let’s allow ourselves to be distracted by the method, so we don’t have to deal with the message!

As I sit in my living room watching Monday Night Football, listening to Jordan Sparks sing our National Anthem, with Psalm 31:8-9 tatooed on her hand (look it up!), my heart is kneeling in solidarity with my Black brothers and sisters.  And not because I don’t love my country, or because I want to disrespect those who have fought so valiantly for the freedoms that I enjoy; but because as an American, and as a follower of Jesus, I have a responsibility to remember that injustice anywhere, threatens justice everywhere, and that Jesus always – yes ALWAYS – stood on the side of the marginalized and oppressed.

America, we cannot allow ourselves to be distracted from the real issue that is before this nation that we ALL love.  We cannot allow our President’s bully pulpit to conveniently move the conversation from the tough issues of our day, to the matters that only we privileged want to consider.  And we cannot allow his handlers to dismiss the blatant racism that is behind his inflammatory words and actions, so that this moment is lost and nothing changes . . . yet again.

Let’s stop the talking about patriotism; for this is not about patriotism.  It’s about that other ‘ism’: the one we white people don’t want to talk about; the one that if left unaddressed, will only continue to divide and destroy our country, from the inside out.

People of color have been bearing the burden of America’s original sin for decades. But today, White America is being given the opportunity to share that burden.  And we simply cannot afford to squander the opportunity by conveniently shifting the conversation from them message to the method, and make what is going on today about our white, privileged understanding of patriotism.

Singing about a star-spangled banner, waving over a ‘land of the free’, doesn’t make it so. That is something that only WE can do.  Together.  So let’s stop worry about a song.  For the problem in America today is not about other people kneeing down, but rather it’s about white people failing to stand up . . . to injustice, oppression, and racism . . . not in some place far away, but right here, in the America that we ALL, love!

I’m an inclusivist.  I’m an ecumenist.   I’m a universalist.  I’m a globalist.  I’m a panentheist.

But before anything else, I regard myself as a member of the great human family — created, loved, nurtured, and sustained by that which many of us call “God.”  My various labels give testimony to my desire to embrace all, and to strive to find unity even in the midst of the world’s diversity; and the Scriptures that guide my life tell me that because God is love, my call is to love everyone, just as Jesus did.  As “the fullest and most complete expression of God in human form,” I seek to model my life after the Christ: who taught me that everyone is my neighbor and that I am to love them as I love myself.  The holy book of my Muslim sisters and brothers pushes me further, challenging me to only want for others, what I want for myself.

Now over the years I’ve met countless other Americans who are seeking to live this same kind of life; but, I’ve also met countless Europeans (I actually live with one!) who are similarly seeking to live this way.  Their lives are just as reflective of the life of Jesus as my own.  I’ve met Mormons and Muslims who love God as much as I do, AND who follow God better than I do.  I have friends in the LGBTQ community who do a far better job than I when it comes to “seeking justice, loving mercy, and walking humbly”; and I’ve met Black women who have not had any of the white privileges that have followed me all my life, and yet the love exhibited in their lives is making more of a difference in this world than mine ever will!

All of this is to say that I desire to do more that merely ‘tolerate’ those who are not like me; rather I long to embrace and enter into community with them.  We can learn from one another, and together work to make the world a better place to live.

This is the liberal mindset.  Liberals are, by very definition, liberal in our willingness to accept others, regardless of the nation we call home, the language we speak, the religion we practice, the worldview we adopt, the people we choose to love, or the color of our skin.  In the words of Mr. Webster, we have . . . “generous hearts; appropriate for a broad and enlightened mind; free from narrowness, bigotry, or bondage; and advocating liberty of thought, speech, and action.”  And while I know this makes us all sound way too saintly, overall it’s a pretty accurate description of who we seek to be and that for which most of us strive.

Thrity Umrigar, in her new book “Everybody’s Son”, writes that “even a broken clock is right two times a day!”  And I like that.  It reminds me that everyone has something to contribute to this world we call home, and it challenges me to see the good in everyone. Since I do not believe humanity’s primary identity is that of a sinner in the hands of an angry God, I believe people are called to see the image of God in everyone, and firmly believe that all people are worthy of my love.

However, and I think I speak for most of of the liberals I know when I say this, our acceptance and our tolerance DO have boundaries!

In spite of the many freedoms that we enjoy in this country, when your rights start to infringe upon mine, or upon the marginalized and oppressed, we WILL resist.  Your words will be rejected and your actions will be challenged; for while you may have the right to do or say anything and everything you want, your actions and words may not always be acceptable.  Freedom has restrictions.  Liberalism has boundaries.  And tolerance has limits!

This past spring, much was written about Milo Yioannopoulos, the British media personality associated with the political alt-right and a former senior editor for Breitbart News; as well as Ann Coulter, a conservative American social and political commentator, lawyer, and syndicated columnist.  Both were invited to speak at UC Berkeley; but student outrage over the invitations resulted in neither of them making a visit to the prestigious university.  An outspoken critic of what he calls ‘political correctness’, Milo is quick to condemn feminism, Islam, and has stated that “gay rights are detrimental to humanity.”   He believes that child abuse is “really not that big of deal,” and has made others statements that have led some to believe he condones pedophilia.  And Ann Coulter is little more than a media hound: a social and political conservative who will do and say almost anything as long as it will get peoples’ attention.

Last month, Harvard University graduate and Google employee James Damore became yet another hero of right wing extremists when he published a memo challenging the role of women in the tech industry.  He was eventually fired, and is now fighting back by claiming that the “left” is only concerned about free speech when it agrees with the liberal causes, and complaining that the Silicon Valley is intolerant of those with differing political perspectives.

And then there’s Richard Spencer, and the countless other racist, Nazi-sympathizing, White Supremacists who have made the spotlight in recent weeks.  They too argue that the first amendment gives them the right to say and do whatever they want, however they want — a freedom they believe is granted to them by the Constitution.

But freedom and tolerance do not mean that “anything goes!”  And there is nothing inconsistent about this position in the so-called ‘liberal agenda.’  Liberals weigh very carefully the responsibility to listen to others, AND TO PROTECT OTHERS.  We want to and will engage those with whom we disagree; but we will also resist people who say things that invite violence, incite fear, or in any way threaten other because of the color of their skin, their religious preference, their sexual preference, or any other aspect of their life that is different from the white, American perspective on what is ‘normal!’

Is this a “slippery slope?”  Of course it is.  And we don’t always get it right. But in the long run, liberals are committed to navigating this precarious slope.  We will listen to those with whom we disagree, and we will work to guarantee everyone’s right to speak their mind and to freely express themselves.  But when people claim the right to behave militantly, with guns and torches, we will draw a line.  When people seek to exercise their ‘rights’ with so much hate that people become fearful for their very lives, we will draw a line. When people express views and ideas that are void of truth and lacking in intellectual integrity we will draw a line.  And when people act in ways that violate that which is just, and right, and good, we will draw a line.  For as subjective as drawing lines might be, boundaries are sometimes necessary because yes, tolerance has limits.

Being tolerant does not mean tolerating intolerance.  It doesn’t mean accommodating hatred, accepting lies, condoning violence, or closing our eyes to injustice.  And while we all might have very different definitions of hatred, lies, violence, and injustice, in the end, it’s all about treating one another with love and respect.  The whole “I-may-disagree-with-what-you-say-but-will-defend-your-right-to-say-it” has it’s limits!  For when personal views, opinions, and perspectives, harm others, drawing lines is not being intolerant: it’s simply being civil.  It’s being courteous, and respectful, and considerate.

If you don’t believe in gay marriage, then don’t marry someone of the same gender.  If you believe God wants you to avoid Margaritas on Sunday, then stay away from your local Mexican restaurant on your Sabbath.  If you believe that God wants you to cover your body, head to toe, when you’re in public, then feel free to buy that burka and wear it with as much pride as your faith permits.  But don’t try and make me walk in your footsteps!  And when your footsteps start to trample on mine, or on those with no voice, know that we liberals will not stand by and be quiet.  And this is especially true of those of us who claim to be followers of Jesus.  For in my case, these position actually have little to do with any kind of liberal political agenda.  Rather, they are Gospel!  Plain and simple.

In America, we respect our diversity.  We liberals celebrate it, and we progressive Christ-followers even honor it.  I am well aware that we all see things differently, and that my perspective on things may not always be accurate.  But sometimes opinions are just wrong – scientifically, morally, ethically, and spiritually.  And when we liberals see that wrongness, we will carefully, discerningly, lovingly, and non- violently, draw a line.  We will protest and preach, write and resist, challenge and chastise.  We will publish blog after blog and Facebook post after Facebook post, that push, poke, and prod; and we will not be silenced because of some distorted idea so-called ‘liberal inconsistency’!

No!  Tolerance does NOT mean tolerating intolerance.  And these days, everyone of us eeds to get used to tolerating that!

Perhaps because our winters were so harsh, the months of July and August in Lewiston, NY we’re like heaven!  The small town of about 16,000 people, north of Buffalo, NY, was a great town in which to grow up.  When I think of our summers I think of sunny, blue skies; 80 degree days with low humidity; and refreshing breezes off the Niagara River. Memories of bike rides to Canada, swimming in our Redwood, “Fanta Sea” pool, and sailing on Lake Ontario still bring a smile to my face.  And thoughts of all the fruit stands that would pop up on our many country roads, with all kinds of fresh cherries, melons, and peaches, still make my mouth water.  Nothing can compare to summers in Western New York . . . except maybe summers in New England.

Several years ago my family was looking to escape the heat of July in Virginia, and so we decided to head to Maine.  Along the way we stopped in Mystic, CN, and Beverly, MA, and enjoyed all kinds of fresh seafood – lobster, mussels, and of course, New England Clam Chowder.  We took our kids White Water Rafting on the Kennebec River, and explored coastal harbors and the rocky beaches of the Northeast. Since then, my wife and I have enjoyed trips to Boston, Martha’s Vineyard, and the Cape; and upon returning home, we always say that nothing can compare to vacations in New England . . . except maybe vacations in San Diego.

From the beaches, to the food, to the weather, Southern California has it all.  In fact the entire west coast, from Los Angeles all the way up to Seattle, offers vacationers the best America has to offer.  Disneyland and Knot’s Berry Farm, vineyards and national parks, the Golden Gate Bridge and Fisherman’s Wharf, Haystack Rock and Mount Rainier:  one could spend months on the west coast and never run out of things to do and see.  No place in the US has more to do than the west coast . . . except maybe Chicago.

When it comes to things to do, and see, and experience, Chicago is a city with an all kinds of things to entertain a family.  No city can compare to Chicago . . . except maybe Atlanta. That too was a wonderful place to spend a week with three young kids: with the highlight being Ebenezer Baptist Church.  Not many places have a lesson like the MLK National Historic site . . . except Washington DC.  Our nation’s capital is unlike any other historic city in America . . . except maybe Gettysburg, or Williamsburg.

The beauty of our nation is remarkable, and the only place better than where most of us are right now, is where we will be tomorrow!  From the Great Lakes in the north, to the Giant Redwoods of the west, to the historic towns that dot the entire east coast, America has it all.  But these days, my heart belongs to the south.  As the saying goes, “I wasn’t born here; but I got here as fact as I could.”  And if my wife and I have our way, we will never leave!

Now granted, we currently live in Alexandria and are well aware that many people don’t think of Northern Virginia as part of the south. But we lived in Williamsburg for 13 years, and we make frequent visits to a son and daughter-in-law in Fuquay, NC, and another son and daughter-in-law in Richmond. So as far as we’re concerned, we are Virginians, and there is southern blood flowing through our veins.  We love the south, and for all kinds of reasons.

We love the hospitality of people.  We love the scent of the honeysuckle and pine.  And we love the sweetness of the tea!  We love long, summers days, and mild, sunny winters. I love the sight of blooming Redbuds in March, announcing that that winter has passed; and the sight of an October cotton field always makes my wife smile.  Like every other part of the country, the south has its downsides: humidity, guns, country music, and big hair!  But the positives far outweigh the negatives. And if I never live anywhere else I will be a happy man.  The Appalachian, Shenandoah, and Smokey Mountains; the white sand of the Gulf; and especially the Atlantic coast beaches all make me feel at home.  And my home, has my heart.

So here’s my question:  considering all the south has to offer, why does anyone think that in order to treasure, value, or in any way show appreciation for southern culture, one has to talk about the Confederacy?  Why, in order to prove that one’s heart resides in Dixie, does one need to honor the likes of Robert E. Lee, Jefferson Davis, and Stonewall Jackson: men who led a treasonous war against our nation, and who did so in support of an institution that is nothing short of evil?  Why is it necessary to even speak of the glory of the Antebellum South, as if life ‘after the war’ has been some kind of burden?

It we want to celebrate Southern heritage, let’s talk about neighborhood conversations, on long wide porches, full of laughter, on warm summer nights. Let’s talk about Sunday Brunch, and tables overflowing with ham biscuits, fried chicken, cheesy grits, Beignets, and Mimosas. (Actually, I’m not sure Mimosas are all that southern, but what is brunch without a Mimosa!) And if we want to really lift up the contributions of the south, let’s celebrate the knowledge and passion of Sequoah, from what is today Knoxville, Tennessee; the strength and activism of Helen Keller, from Tuscumbia, Alabama; and the courage and determination of Jackie Robinson, from Cairo, Georgia. Let’s give thanks for Harriet Tubman and Harper Lee, James Brown and Jimmy Carter, Booker T. Washinton and Barbara Jordan, and countless other men and women whose memories are not laced with rebellion against America, and the defense of racism during the one time in our history when people were most aggressively seeking to change the trajectory of life for people of color in America.

If a person can only honor southern heritage by raising a Confederate flag and erecting monuments to leaders if the Confederacy; then we have no choice but to call into question both that person’s patriotism, as well as that person’s appreciation for the south’s heritage and history.  The south is so much more than an offensive piece of fabric, and racist pieces of stone.

And no one should no know that better than a real southerner.

Look at that picture!  Look at it.  And weep!

48 hours after evil marched into Charlottesville, VA, can we please clear up a few things?

1) If we can’t condemn white supremacy because we think there’s bigotry “on many sides,” then . . . we might be racist.

2) If we can call religious extremists, radical Islamic terrorists, but can’t call the KKK, Neo-Nazis, or White Nationalists homegrown terrorists, then . . . we might be racist.

3) If we believe that anti-white crime in America has become more of an issue than anti-Black crime, then . . . we might be racist.

4) If we continue to think that acknowledging ‘Black Lives Matter’ somehow means that other lives don’t matter, then . . . we might be racist.

5) If we have come to the conclusion that Affirmative Action is nothing more than ‘reverse racism,’ thereby failing to see that racism is about social and structural power, and Blacks have none of that, then . . . we might be racist.

6) If we don’t understand that ‘law and order’ and ‘voter fraud’, are less about law and order and voter fraud, and more about keeping minorities on the margins of our society, then . . . we might be racist.

7) If we think that slavery ended more than 100 years ago and it’s time to ‘get over it’, then . . . we might be racist.

8) If we believe that the election of Barack Obama proves that race is no longer an issue in America, or that much of the hatred of Barack Obama was not about the color of his skin, then . . . we might be racist.

9) If we believe that God ordained America to be a white, Christian nation, then . . . we might be racist.

And 10) if you think I’m correct in saying that all these things mean we MIGHT be racist, and not that we ARE racist, then . . . you ARE racist!

Actually, in the final analysis, most of us white Americans are racist! We are part of a system that favors us in all kinds of ways, simply because of the color of our skin. We continue to benefit from living in a nation that has normalized our privilege, and legitimized others’ oppression. The traditional, ‘white’ narrative about racism – that it is nothing more than prejudice against people who look different from us – does not take into account how the institutionalization of such a worldview will eventually blind us to its injustice. And it is that blindness that is threatening to destroy our country today. It is nothing new, but it’s normalization, which has come at the hands of Donald Trump, should disturb all of us; for he, as well as many in his administration, have allowed what has existed in the shadows of American life, to once again move out into the light of day.

In response, pastors and leaders of various faith communities have begun espousing all of their sacred Scriptures, in an attempt to justify their opposition to America’s growing Alt-Right . . . as if challenging this societal evil somehow needs to be sanctioned from ‘on high!’ Others have been quick to proclaim that they believe all people are created and loved by God . . . as if such a belief proves that they are ‘wok’ to issues of race and color bias. (Did not the slave owner also believe that his enslaved housekeeper was also created by God? . . . yet created to care for him and meet his every need?!) And still others have done little more than shake their heads at and close their eyes to such discussions . . . hoping they will just go away, believing that because they don’t fly the Confederate flag or read Breitbart News, the battle is not theirs to fight.

Well it’s time for us in white America to wake up: and not just for religious reasons, for Godly reasons, or for personal reasons. Some things need to be addressed simply because they affect the very soul of a society. Some things are just wrong! And evil that is left unchecked, and injustice that is allowed to reign free, will in the end destroy all of us.

This is why people like me are going to continue to resist current American trends. We’re not going to be quiet, and we’re not going to stop challenging the direction of the current administration. We’re not trying to annoy you. We’re not sore losers. And we’re not anti-white, anti-Christian socialists trying to destroy the heart of America.

Rather, we are simply human beings who love other human beings: who believe that none of us succeed unless we all succeed, and that there can be no peace in the world without justice. We recognize that the world is NOT made up of many races and families, but that there is only one race – the human race; and there is only one family – the human family.

Yes, most of us in white America are racist. But we can change, and we can do better. However change can only come when we’re willing to acknowledge our broken past, engage in the hard work of transforming the societal and institutional sin that is paralyzing the present, and participate in the creation a future where differences are embraced and not feared, where diversity is seen as a blessing and not a curse, and where color is seen as that which brings beauty to the palate of our lives.

Racists are taught to be racists – consciously and unconsciously, subtly and overtly, intentionally and unintentionally.  But we can change.  We MUST change that . . . for our sake, and the sake of all our children.

If my daughter was going to get a tattoo, there are far worse things she could have inked on her body for all eternity! Surely the world could use an extra dose of ‘Loving Kindness,’ so why shouldn’t she have the phrase emblazoned on her rib cage?  It’s certainly better than another piercing; one which this time would probably NOT have been in her ear!

Actually, it’s a perfect tattoo for my daughter – one of the kindest and most loving people I know.  And it’s also a great reminder of that to which we all should be giving our lives. For again I will say it, if the world needs anything today, it is loving kindness!

Every now and then I catch a glimpse of it, and when I do, I wonder why it is so elusive! It’s so wonderful to see, to encounter, and to receive, that you’d think everyone would be doing their best to make it more of a reality, in more of our lives. But for some reason, hatred, anger, and violence appear to rule the days in which we are living.

Never the less, it’s out there.  I saw it in the young college kid who waited on my wife, and my daughter, and me when we had lunch in Blacksburg, VA a while back. When I went to order a piece of the Almond cake for dessert, he smiled at me and said, “The Almond Cake is a few days old. I’d skip it if I were you!”

I saw it in the eyes of the woman who checked me into my hotel room last week, when she offered me a fresh, warm cookie as I left the registration desk . . . two even, if I wanted!

I saw it in the passing face of the guy who had to slam on the brakes of his car in order to keep from hitting me, when I made a wrong turn in an unfamiliar part of town, and wound up in the wrong lane. He graciously smiled in a way that said, ‘No problem. I’ve made that same mistake before too!’

I see it in my favorite baristas, who make my “English Breakfast tea latte with skim milk and three pumps of classic” in all three of my favorite Starbucks.   (And don’t judge me!)  I see it in the people I work with: who love what they do, and who do what they do with dedication, enthusiasm, and with a constant smile on their faces.  And I see it in my wife, all the time; as she graciously puts up with my many idiosyncrasies, and loves me unconditionally.

Loving kindness really is everywhere; but we doubt that, because we don’t see it.  And we don’t see it, because we’re not looking for it.  So this week, might I suggest that we all look for the loving kindness that is all around us.

You see, I believe in the words of that old hymn – “This is my Father’s world.”  I don’t really regard God as my father anymore, but I do believe that the world is God’s!  And as such, it radiates divinity.  Holiness is everywhere, and it is warming the hearts of people of every faith, transforming the minds of people of every nation, and moving in the souls of people of every generation.

Maltbie Davenport Babcock, the author of the hymn, grew up in Western New York, near where I did; and his walks along the Niagara Escarpment gave him inspiring views of the Niagara River and Lake Ontario.  It is said that when he would leave the house and his wife asked him where he was going, he would respond “to see my Father’s world.”

This is indeed God’s world; but I’m convinced that often we fail to see it because we’re not looking for it.  We’re blinded by the corruption and selfishness of those in power. We’re distracted by the evil of those with hateful tongues and violent hands.  And so our days are fraught with everything but, loving kindness.

But we can change that.

And we can change that by looking for the signs of God’s commonwealth all around us. We can notice the smile of the stranger.  We can turn toward the grace of some, and away from the judgement of others.  We can choose to dwell not on our neighbor’s brokenness, but on their beauty.  And we can seek to surround ourselves with people who have a similar view of the world around us.

Today, this week, the rest of this month — let’s change what we’re looking for, and thereby change the narrative of our world.  Let’s notice the fingerprints of our Creator and Sustainer, and spot the loving kindness that lurks in every corner of creation.  For if our lives need anything, it is more loving kindness.

And it’s out there . . . and we will see it . . . if we look for it.

Flying out of the city twice over the past few weeks I realized yet again how much I love where I live!  Even though my home is in Northern Virginia, I consider Washington, DC my home.  And it’s NOT . . .  a swamp.  Oh, it sometimes feels like that: in the middle of July, when it’s 100 degrees, with 200% humidity.  But it’s not a swamp.   

Since I first visited our nation’s capital on a family vacation back in 1976, I have been enthralled with the place: the beauty, the history, the people, the work, and of course, the food!  I lived here for four years while in college and even after moving away upon graduation I continued to return whenever possible.  For the past 30 plus years it has been one of my family’s favorite vacations spots; and so when my wife and I moved back to the DMV in 2013 we were delighted.

Needless to say, I’m offended by all the ‘swamp’ references!  Sure, there are government workers, institutional bureaucrats, and elected officials everywhere; but it is grossly unfair and demeaning to refer to them as “swamp-dwellers.” No doubt some, seduced by the lust for power, have forgotten what public service is all about; but the vast majority do what they do because they love this country, and because at the heart of their careers is the desire to . . . yes!  serve the public!  And this is especially true of our elected officials.  By far, most of them are committed to our national values and have given their very lives to the healthy functioning of our government.  They work tirelessly to live out the reality that all people have been created equal, that our nation is committed to the promotion of the general welfare of all Americans, and that few things are more important than “ensuring the blessing of liberty to ourselves and our posterity!”

Sadly, some would like us to believe that the very word – politician – is a dirty one; and that people who have given their lives to public service are nothing more than “swamp-dwellers.”  Further, they would also have us believe that the solution to the many problems facing our nation is to ‘drain DC of the politicians’ and repopulate it with . . . businesspeople!  Yes, business people.  That is the solution to all our many problems.

Consider the current Cabinet: the CEOs of Exxon Mobile and Puzder Fast Foods, a former hedge fund CEO and Goldman Sachs partner, the former CEO of New York City’s Beth Israel Medical Center, a WL Ross & Co. exec who has amassed his billions by ‘betting’ on failing companies, a WWE business magnate, and now, a Wall Street executive and financier who will attempt to serve as the new White House Communcations Director.  These are the people that far too many believe will rid our government of the bureaucrats, do away with the gridlock in Congress, and set our country on a course toward greatness.

Now to be clear, generalizations about the business community are no better than generalization about politicians; but one thing does need to be said.  In their purest state, the ultimate and final goal of a politician is public service.  On the other hand, the final and ultimate goal of a CEO is profit.  So while both politicians and CEO’s can and do accomplish great good, and while neither has the corner of the market of behaving badly; when push comes to shove, the goal of the CEO is vastly different from that of a public servant.  And if the practices of so many in the current administration are even the least bit representative of the practices of the business community, then we are in serious trouble.

While seeing President Trump’s tax returns would be extremely worthwhile and informative, we all know that he has paid little if any taxes over the last 25 years. And even if he has done nothing illegal, there should be no doubt in anyone’s mind that his singular goal has been to make money.  He has as much as said this very thing! Serving the public has never been on his mind: and this is not to deny that at times he may have acted in the best interest of his employees, or been concerned about the quality of the products he offered.  But in the eyes of Trump, his family, and so many of his associates, we, the public, are nothing more than consumers.  And any ‘services’ they offer have one and only one purpose — personal profit.  His work over the years has been about nothing even close to public service!  

Further, Donald Trump’s philanthropic practices also reveal a great deal about his goals in life — and caring for others, or doing good for those in need, are clearly not on his radar!  Such behavior would only reduce his annual income and the growth of his assets, neither of which will help him to accomplish that central goal, which remains the maximization of profits.

Unlike so many of the small business owners I know, Donald Trump and Associates are only about the maximization of their own personal profits and individual wealth. They do not understand ‘recusals’ or conflicts of interest.  They avoid comprise, and regard everything in terms of gains and losses.  And they sue those who would challenge or obstruct their goals and objectives.  They will employ us; but never pay us what we’re worth and always seek to restrict our ability to organize and fight for more.  They will grow our economy; but not by increasing OUR wealth, only theirs.  And they will expand our interests around the world; but they will do so by sacraficing the common good on the altar of private consumption.  This is why today, it is estimated that 40% of America’s wealth, can be found in the portfolios of 1% of the population: a statistic that is only worsening with each passing day.

No!  DC isn’t a swamp.  It doesn’t need to be drained; and the vast majority of our politicians are not “swamp-dwellers.” I wouldn’t even put this new administration in that category!  However, the team that has been assembled to lead this country over the next four years is made up of business people; and while they would like us to believe that their goals are to create jobs and grow the economy, to make better trade deals and not allow concerns for the environment to put undue burdens on America’s middle class, and on and on and on . . . in the end, their primary goal is profit. And that profit goes into their pockets, not any of ours.

If the rich getting richer is what it means to make America great again, and if putting the Trump family first is the same thing as putting America first, then we’re well on our way.  Fortunately, some, perhaps many, are beginning to understand these conflicts.  So to all who somehow justified voting for him because they thought that someone new and different was going to be able to magically make their lives better, and who are now seeing the absurdity of such a belief; be patient.  He can’t possibly last long.  Eventually, we’ll get someone back in the White House to clean up his mess.

Until that time, if you’d like to join those of us who have known this all along, as we seek to make the changes that our nation needs, feel free to do so. You see, we know you’re hurting. And we’re willing to work with you, and for you.  But that can’t happen  until more and more people realize that Donald Trump is not the answer.  Donald Trump is the problem.   And I for one, love our nation, and this city, too much to let him stay here too long!  

Yes, as hard as it is to admit, I’m that guy!

I’m that guy who’s going to challenge you when you tell a racist joke or when you mock your Muslim neighbors.  I’m that guy who is going to stop you when you complain about how the ‘gay agenda’ is destroying this country, or how ‘those people’ are talking away all of our jobs!  I’m that guy who is going to call you out when you make gross generalizations . . . about lesbians ‘always’ being so butch, about Latinos who ‘still’ can’t speak English, or about ‘all’ Native Americans being alcoholics!  And if you’re going to in any way disrespect a woman, watch out.  ‘Cuz then I’m really going to hold your feet to the fire!

Yup!  I’m that guy!  And I’m not afraid to call you out!

In spite of the behavior of the current President and so many of his followers: I’m not going to ignore or tolerate such behavior, or in any way pretend that it is either normal or acceptable.

I’m sorry to be that guy on social media who actually reads what you post: who doesn’t just stalk you – voraciously reading all you have to say, but then pretends to be above such trivial pursuits, and acts as if I don’t know what you think about certain things.  I actually want to be ‘social’, and so I will engage you.  When you post Facebook articles that have been proven to be false, or tweet 140 character sound bites that grab peoples’ attention but convey little truth, I’m that guy who’s going to question you.  And not because I think we always need to agree with one another, but because some things are just wrong!  And some things are just not true!

I’m sorry to be that guy who sees you cut in line, and says something.  And I’m sorry to be that guy who sees you talking on your cell phone when you check out of the grocery store, completely ignoring the cashier, and then tells you how rude your being.   I’m sorry to be that guy who honks his horn when you throw trash out your car window. And I’m sorry to be that guy at church who calls gossip what it actually is . . . gossip!

I’m not angry, nor am I really all that annoyed with you.  I’m not trying to be mean, and I don’t even think I’m trying to police the world!  I’m just not willing to let you go on thinking that everything always revolves around you.  And so I’m going to hold you to a higher standard: one that simply respects others, that displays a certain modicum of kindness and sensitivity, that seeks to bring a little more love to the world, and that helps nudge our society as a whole toward becoming more intentionally mindful of the common good.

I’ll try to do it kindly, and gently, and with as much gentleness as I can muster!  But I’m going to do it!

And here’s the thing, I want you to do the same for me!  I want YOU, to hold ME, similarly accountable!  Because that’s what it means for us to be part of this great human family.

All of the great religions of the world call their followers to something akin to the words of Jesus — “Do to others what you’d have others do to you!”  Unfortunately, today, far too many seem to be living under the banner of “Do it to them before they can do it you, because all they want to do is hinder, hurt, or harm you.”  And the result is that we’ve lost respect for one another.  There’s a rampant fear today that has led many people to treat those who are not like us as if they are less than us; and so we’ve begun to normalized rude, irreverent, and downright mean attitudes and behavior.

But I’m that guy who’s not going to accept it.  And I hope you won’t either.  Maybe if a few more of us continue to speak up, these trends can be reversed.  Perhaps if more of us had spoken up when our nation was founded, slavery would never have become that institution that is still destroying lives today.  Perhaps if more of us had spoken up in Germany during the rise of Nazism, Hitler wouldn’t have sent us all into the Second World War.

So let’s all be . . . ‘that’ guy!  . . . who is not going to allow anyone to be marginalized!  Let’s be . . . ‘that’ woman, who is not going to allow fear to win, and thus lead our nation down a road of divisive hatred.  Let’s all be . . . ‘that’ kid, who is not afraid to speak up when it’s time for injustice to be named.

Perhaps if we were all a little more like . . . ‘that’ — the world would become a kinder place in which to live, and a more loving place to call home.

Early in the morning on Monday, June 19, a 47 year old man plowed a van into a crowd of people leaving a British mosque in Finsbury Park, England.   The people targeted were on their way home after having just broken their fast and prayed during the holy season of Ramadan.  One person was killed and eight others were seriously injured.

British newspapers reported that the man had a Twitter account that he used to monitor the tweets of far right British party leaders; one of which serves Britain First, whose mission statement boldly declares “We will restore Christianity as the bedrock and foundation of our national life as it has been for the last one thousand years.”

Without a doubt the vast majority of the violence being carried out in the world today is coming at the hands of people claiming to be followers of Islam.  In what can be described as nothing less than a gross distortion of the Muslim faith, misguided and misled extremists tragically misrepresent the essential teachings of the world’s second largest religion by setting off bombs in train stations, beheading foreign journalist, and massacring entire villages.  In behavior that denies a healthy understanding of both God, as well as the Islamic tradition, such extreme attitudes need to be boldly rejected, and the perpetrators of such actions need to be held accountable for the crimes against humanity.

But last week’s events make it clear once again that none of the world’s major religious institutions are without their share of . . . can I just say it? . . . crazies!  For while on the world stage, radical, Islamic extremism is one of our greatest problems; the man who attacked people in Finsbury Park claims to be a Christian.  Consequently, the rest of the world has now had a chance to witness what we here in America are finally beginning to understand.  And that is that while one of the world’s greatest problems is radical, Islamic extremism; one of America’s greatest problems is radical CHRISTIAN extremism.

While generally less physically violent that the Muslim extremist, the Christian extremist is the one who would still have us believe that women are to be under the authority of men; that the gay ‘lifestyle’ is an abomination to God; that those who do not “believe” as they do are destined to an eternity in a place where there is weeping and gnashing of teeth; and that America was founded as a beacon of light for all the world, and thus needs to remain Christian, AND white – for that is God’s desire.  Their literalistic view of the Bible creates a very frightening world view: one believed to have been pre-ordained, and when violated, requires God to step in to punish offenders.  For these people, God is so holy and set apart, that He . . . and yes, God is HE . . . cannot look upon sin; and thus requires the violent shedding of blood in order to forgive the brokenness of humanity. And such Christian extremists contend that because people continue to sin and stray, God doesn’t merely use, but actually sends natural disasters, national calamities, and personal tragedies – all to teach and instruct, to reprimand and restore, to punish and to purify.

So with these two extremes before us, is it any wonder that people are walking away from religion, and expressing all kinds of doubts about belief in God?  Both the extremists claiming to be Muslim around the world, and extremists claiming to be Christian right here at home, are not only misrepresenting their respective faith traditions, but they are actually deterring people from finding the peace, hope, justice, and love, that their traditions seek to offer.

Perhaps this is why some are hesitant to attribute the violence taking place in the world today as the work of radical Islamic terrorists; because while much of it is certainly taking place at the hands of those who claim to be followers of Islam, the extremist views they represent simply do not speak for the Muslim world.  Islam is not the problem. Extremism is!  And that extremism cannot be confined to one religion.

What we need to be condemning today is not Islam.  And neither is it religion.  What needs to be condemned, here in America and around the world, is radical, right-wing extremism.  And while I know that may well offend many people on the right side of the political spectrum, studies have revealed that the vast majority of today’s violent and radical extremists are not on the left, but on the right!

Countless organizations and studies have all concluded that since the 1970s, the vast majority of violent extremism in America has not come at the hands of extremists on the left, but from extremists on the right!  And one simply cannot argue the fact that since the election of Donald Trump, what we are witnessing all across the United States is both an increase in violent behavior, and the legitimization of it!

Does it exist on the left?  Of course it does.  The shooting in Alexandria, VA several weeks ago reveals that to be true.  But as hesitant as many are to admit this, much of the violence that exists in America in 2017 is coming at the hands of the alt-right:  radical and extreme, right-wing terrorists!

The University of Maryland’s Global Terrorism Database registered 65 attacks on American soil associated with right-wing ideologies since 9/11, versus 24 attacks by jihadist extremists. The Combating Terrorism Center at West Point has indicated that in the decade after 9/11, there was an average of 337 annual attacks by right-wing extremists, including a total of 254 fatalities.  And while not not a darling of the ‘right’, Daryl Johnson, a former domestic terrorism analyst at the Department of Homeland Security, has reported that the rise in militia groups since the election of Barak Obama in 2008 should frighten all of us!  He has said that there is simply no equivalent threat from left-wing extremists.  “Unlike the 1960s and 1970s, there are few, true left-wing extremist organizations operating in the United States.” (Right-Wing Resurgence: How A Domestic Terrorism Threat Is Being Ignored, 2012)

So what do we make of all this?  Well, again I say, there is plenty of blame to go around. We’re all — each one of us — responsible for the violence that we are tolerating, encouraging, and even perpetrating in our world.  And while we can’t blame one religious group, or people of one political persuasion, clearly radical, right-wing extremists are the ones that need to be resisted!

So, let’s continue, or in some cases start, to resist!  Muslims – let’s continue to boldly declare that Islam is a religion of peace, and then so live!  Christians – let’s avoid the holier-than-thou attitude and stand against those in our own tradition who would have us quench or reject the reforming power of the Spirit that is moving in the Church today! Democrats – let’s resist the temptation to paint everyone with a different party affiliation as perpetrators of fake news; as advocates of the racist, alt-right agenda; or as supports of Donald Trump’s bigoted, misogynistic, homophobic, or Islamophobic views.  And Republicans – let’s be sure to continually lift up and maintain the traditional, conservative voice that is so vital to the political dialogue in our country, and to vehemently separate our selves from those who have abdicated the agenda of the party for personal gain.

All of us are Americans:  Muslims, Christians, Democrats, and Republicans.  And we CAN live together in peace, pursuing liberty and justice for all, without killing one another! We simply need to balance our passion, with a bit of dispassion.   For good leadership requires both; and if I might paraphrase the words of Bertrand Russell, “sometimes, opinions that are held with passion, are opinions for which no good ground exists; indeed the passion is the measure of the holders lack of rational conviction.”

It might do us all well to remember that.  For only then will we be able to work together to stop . . . the radical, right-wing extremist.

It’s not the first time. I also married my older son a year ago, and I felt this same way then. Standing before children who have been part of your life, for all of their lives, and officiating at a ceremonies celebrating their desire and commitment to now be part of someone else’s life, is an overwhelmingly awesome experience. It is a privilege that I do not take for granted and I will treasure the memories the rest of my life.

Planning for such events comes easily to me because . . . I’m a planner. Anyone who knows me knows that I’m as type-A as they come. For years my mantra has been “excellence honors God and inspires people”, and those words motivate and guide all that I do. (I heard it at a church conference years ago and have not forgotten it.) I’m organized. I pay attention to detail. And I like every ‘i’ dotted and every ‘t’ crossed.

I’m also a ‘church/churched person’! Religion is my business and spirituality is my cause. After officiating at close to 300 marriages in my 30+ years of ministry, I have a pretty good idea of what works and what doesn’t. Unity candles and sand ceremonies can be tasteful and meaningful; but trying to recreate the atmosphere of a Renaissance Faire by having all the men – including the pastor – wear tights, is neither!

So let me just say it. I have a few opinions on what should and shouldn’t be done at weddings. My daughter is already dreading the day when she has to work with my wife and me on planning her big day.

Actually, it’s more me than my wife.

Ok! It’s all me!

And that’s because my opinions really aren’t opinions.  At least not in my mind.  They’re facts.  And you just don’t . . . you CAN’T . . . argue with facts!

But this week I’m humming a slightly different tune. And here’s why.

My son and new daughter pulled off a beautiful celebration of their lives and their love in a way that accurately reflected the people they are and all that they value.  Jake has had long hair since he graduated from high school 10 years ago; so why would he cut it for his wedding.  To pretend to be something he is not?  And Alyssa’s everyday life and basic demeanor embody the ‘Live Simply’ attitude; so why would she want a marriage celebration that was anything but .. . . simple?

As Jacob’s brother said in his toast at the reception, and quiet eloquently I might add, “Jacob doesn’t care what people think, but he cares for people!”  That came through loud and clear in each and every aspect of the day’s festivities.

When I was told they wanted a pizza food truck to cater the meal, you can probably imagine my response.  “Jake, family and friends are coming a long way to be here.  You can’t just serve them a slice of pepperoni pizza!”

“Why not?” he said.   And then the chef/foodie in him really came out!  “Alyssa and I love pizza, and it’s the best pizza around.  We’re not interested in a huge buffet with mass-produced entrees and fake mashed potatoes!  No one is going to go hungry, and what is served will be delicious; so that’s what we’re going to do!”

With my wife kicking me under the table I said, “Ok!”

My son also lives in board shorts; and the leather shoes he owns are either Oleki and Sanuk, which means they look more like an extravagant pair of bedroom slippers than shoes.  And chinos?  Really?   “Those are not the kinds of things you wear to a wedding?”

“But why?” he said to me.  That’s who I am and that’s what I wear!  It’s my wedding, and I want to be comfortable.  I don’t want to pretend to be someone I’m not!  I’m not a suit. I’m not a bow tie.  And I’m certainly not penny loafers.

Who is Jacob?  He’s a hand crafted leather belt with little lavender squirrels that he bought the day before the wedding to wear with his lavender tie!  That’s who my son is. And that’s why I love him.  All three of my kids – as well as my two new daughters-in-law – are all very different; unique and their own person.  And that’s precisely why I love each of them.  They aren’t afraid to be who they are!

Then there was the ceremony!  “Dad, do you think you could tone-down the God stuff?”

I don’t think that’s exactly how he said it, but he very kindly and respectfully asked that his and Alyssa’s service reflect and respect THEIR beliefs and THEIR understanding of spirituality, faith, and God.  While all three of my children are extremely grateful for the lives they have lived, they are well aware that their privilege has often come at the expense of others, and that it is not the result not of a heavenly diety choosing to bless them over and above others.  So praising and praying to a sentient being is simply not an expression of their journeys.

As far as the Bible goes: God speaks in all kinds of ways, and their are countless other valid and acceptable expressions of truth and love and beauty.  “So how about a reading from JR Tolkien,” he said.

Again I said, “Really?”  You want me to read “The Lord of the Rings” at your wedding?”

But then I read “The Ent and the Ent-Wife”; and realized that it was perfect for Jake and Alyssa!

Last Sunday I married my son; and I think I learned more in those five hours than at any other point in my life.  He and his wife modeled for me what authenticity looks like; and how being honest and true to the Spirit of God that exists within them, is no less an expression of faithfulness than going to church every Sunday.  He and his siblings modeled for me what family is all about; and how children who are very different, can respect and care for one another when there is a common commitment to truth, goodness, grace, and love.   And he and his friends modeled for me how inclusivity has the capacity to change the world; and how seeing the good in everyone – particularly those who are not afraid to push back against a world that far too often reeks of conventionality, and where people masquerade in cultural and religious norms that deny the freedom and liberty, and the faith, hope and love, that is so freely professed – can bring a about a beauty that is nothing less than holy.

No!  I will never, ever wear tights to a wedding. Some things are indeed just wrong!

But this weekend I also learned that some things I thought were wrong, are actually pretty right!  I learned to chose authenticity over expected norms, to embrace truth above conventionality, and to serk beauty before conformity.   Who knew I would learn so much . . . marrying my son?